Cancer is one of the most cruel things ever invented by God. I work in cancer genetics - helping doctors reach diagnoses by analyzing cancer cells and cancer tissues. And when it's not in your life and you don't see the patients at all you tend to get removed from the whole situation. Sometimes a case becomes just another slide to read and analyze and patients get forgotten.
When cancer is in your life, my job takes on a whole new meaning. It makes my job that much more difficult and personal. My dad was diagnosed last year with lung cancer. My life ever since then has never been the same. I have been angry, afraid, scared, feeling alone, and extremely sad. I feel angry towards God (though I don't like to admit it), towards cancer, and towards my dad. My dad has been a smoker all of his life and our family has constantly told him to quit because of his health. He had the smoker's cough and all those regular side effects of smoking. But his reasoning was that if he was meant to get sick from it, he will. And that plenty of other people who don't smoke at all get lung cancer. I knew this reasoning was faulty but my father is extremely stubborn and no amount of nagging could get him to quit until last year - when it was too late.
Cancer takes everything away from you. Your health, your energy, your ability to live a life that is good quality. It also takes a toll on the people around you who care about you. I had never realized how difficult it is to care for someone who is slowly dying. It is extremely difficult for my mother to care for him and hold down her full time job as a nurse. And I also work so I can't provide too much help, especially since my husband and I live in our own apartment.
Everything in my life seems to happening all at once. I am trying to get my wedding done and over with so my father can still partake in the festivities or at least walk me down the aisle. I am trying to plan for everything with help only from my husband and a few of my friends. I had to go to my fitting today by myself. This isn't exactly how I pictured my wedding experience to be (I actually hate it) but there's nothing I can do.
I'm finding out that you really can't plan life out and that the most unexpected always ends up happening. Bad things do happen to good people, that's just the way life goes. And I'm hoping I'm strong enough to get through anything and everything.
